sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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