I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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