halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
