I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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