i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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