my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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