when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
