oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
