u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
COCAINE IS GR8
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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