I can text with my tongue
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
