Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
