i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
