We won't sleep together?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
