You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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