this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
