We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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