you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
