Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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