What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
