my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
