Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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