Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
