It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
