I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
