I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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