I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
BRING THE BAGELS
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
