I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
