remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
