the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
