i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
