Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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