did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
