What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
