The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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