do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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