shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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