OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
