Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
