i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
