college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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