I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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