Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
