I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
