The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
