I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You ate ashes out of my bong
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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