cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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