I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
