She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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