i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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