Even water is tasting like jack daniels
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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