hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
