I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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