wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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