my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
