If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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